The Adventures in Stalking
by Skylark Evanson
Summary: Featuring Super Mustache Woman and Beard Girl. What could go wrong with stalking the Alien Force? Well, Kevin sure as heck doesn't like stalkers, especially ones in tights...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: me and plum-dulce were randomly PMing each other and talking about Kevin's hidden six pack and then some Greg Cipes videos (I'll post my two faves on my profile later maybe) and then somewhere along the line we started discussing Bevin and that it meant a bearded Kevin and what would happen if Kevin had a mustache and then I said I wanted a mustache and then we thought about naming mustaches and somewhere along the line Beard Girl came into it and… yeah. It was **_**dang funny.**_** So thank you to some randomness with plum-dulce, we came up with this.**

**Disclaimer: idea is shared with me and plum-dulce and then there's characters who clearly aren't ours…**

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_**The Adventures of Stalking:  
**__**Featuring Super Mustache Woman and Beard Girl**_

She stroked her thick, black curly Italian style mustache. "Beard Girl, we must find a way to capture Kevin Ethan Levin."

The smaller girl nodded, her fingers playing with the beard that had grown on her face.

Yes, they were a strange pair, one having a mustache and the other having a beard. Facial hair was not normal on girls. Neither were super hero tights. Yet, they both had each.

"Now how to capture him is another question…" said Super Mustache Woman. She kept stroking her mustache. She loved her mustache.

Very, very strange.

Beard Girl looked around the room. It was covered in posters of their targets. The said Kevin Levin was first off on their list. He was the eldest and had the best chance of joining them. His pictures were abundant across the walls, him in every single form they'd ever seen in the past year he'd lived in Bellwood. Covered in metal. Covered in rock. Covered in wood. Covered in more metal. Turns out, he absorbed a lot of metal.

Then it was Ben Tennyson, the Omnitrix bearer. They'd caught sight of all his alien forms in their stalking of the heroes. Swampfire's methane attack was on a ton of their records. Humongousaur was the most commonly used. They had his exact size at each interval of his transformation in a database of a computer. And Diamondhead's real Chromastone form had enough images to prove that they were of the exact same species and everything.

Now the problem with the other Tennyson cousin, Gwen, was that she was too connected to Kevin to let him go. Neither of the tight wearers liked her or had her as a target. But a mortal enemy, Darkstar was up on the list as was Albedo, the Ben clone, and Charmcaster. And Vilgax. It was strange that someone like him was up there, but he was.

And with a line up like that, what could possibly go wrong?

"We need to separate him from the Tennysons…" Super Mustache Woman's voice was contemplative. She mulled over her thoughts for a bit longer. "His home would be a prime target, but too exposed after the attack from Ragnarok. He would know to protect it from anything or anyone that could be considered as an enemy."

They really did know every single of the tiniest details of their targets. Middle names. Birth places. Exact species. There was so much to know and it was all thrown into their brains.

Beard Girl's head tilted to one side. "I believe I have found a plan, master," she said, golden eyes glazing over like a possessed zombie's. Her beard began to glow a faint light brown color, casting it upon her lips and cheeks so that her pallor skin was illuminated.

"Good," mumbled Super Mustache Woman. "Very good."

"THEME MUSIC!" cried the smaller girl as her beard stopped glowing.

The taller and lankier of the two headed over to a desk and pressed the button on a stereo with some serious surround sound music, rigged up in a way only Kevin Levin could rig it. They'd copied so much from their targets to live like them.

And music started up, surrounding the room and making the walls shake at the exact volume that Benjamin Tennyson listened to everything.

They both sang. "SUPER MUSTACHE WOMAN AND HER MIRACULOUS SIDEKICK, BEARD GIRL, WITH THEIR FACIAL HAIR AND AWESOME POWERS OF STALKING!"

Yes, they really did sing that.

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**A/N: oh jeez, talk about stalkerness… and trust me, it will only get worse! hope you laugh for a little while!! or even if you're creeped out is good too... leave a review and tell me which it is!**

**~Sky**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: rawr!**

**disclaimer: blah!**

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"I really feel like we're being watched," came the low, nearly inaudible mumble from Kevin.

"New York left him paranoid," laughed Ben, pointing at Kevin, the comment directed for his red haired cousin beside him. "See? Now he thinks some sort of serial killer is after us."

Kevin thunked the back of Ben's annoying brunette head. "I said nothing about a serial killer," he defended, folding his arms across his chest. But it didn't stop him from wishing he had a baseball bat or something.

Gwen sighed deeply. Yeah, sure, her boyfriend was a bit paranoid. That didn't mean anything! So what if he had been mentally unstable for a few years? So what if he was still unstable? Did that really matter? And maybe his paranoia was right. What if they were being watched? The redhead could only think of how much that would suck.

"But I could tell you were thinking it," snickered Ben, earning himself another thunk on the back of his skull. Headslaps were now becoming Kevin's favorite form of torturing Ben. It was easy and very much fun for him.

"Was not," barked Kevin.

The three of them were sitting at a metal bench at Mr. Smoothy. Ben had a massive cup of grey sludge in front of him: a mix of scrambles eggs, mandarin oranges, blueberry pie ba la mode, and some extreme hot chili peppers. Gwen was n enough to have a small mango smoothie. For Kevin, he was lucky that Burger Shack was nearby and they sold sodas for him instead of freakish fruity slime in a smiling cup.

Ben let out a log content sigh. "Kevin, you're in absolute denial." He sipped at the thing he called a smoothie.

"I'm serious, Tennyson. I really think we're being watched!" Kevin slammed his fist down on the table angrily. "You need to believe that this isn't paranoia, Benji." His eyes were cold. He was totally being serious.

"Well," began Ben, "no one's stalking us. End of story." His lips curled around the straw that protruded from the lid of the cup that was filled with sludge.

So if no one was stalking them, how come Ben was missing less than ten minutes later?

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**A/N: next chapter will be up when i get it up! review!**

**~Sky**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I saved two things on my flashdrive to write on this comp but I betcha can't guess the glitch: THEY DIDN'T SAVE! So anyways, later I will have another chapter of 'Gwevin & Everything After' for you and for my Warriors readers, another chappie of Leah & Cale**

**But for now, I feel that this story has been totally neglected. So now SOME STALKING!**

**Disclaimer: just know what I own and what I don't, okay? This idea is shared with plum-dulce bcuz we like messin' around when we PM. Hehe.**

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"How can you lose my cousin in five minutes?" asked a clearly furious Gwen, her emerald eyes searching the Mr. Smoothy parking lot frantically for any sign of her brunette cousin. "You just let him wander off like a five-year-old?"

"I expect him not to wander off like a five-year-old," snorted Kevin, eyes also slightly wide at the factor of a guy wearing the most powerful thing in the universe wandering off like an idiot. "This could be a problem, couldn't it?" he laughed, running his fingers through his long black hair.

Gwen's eyes opened even wider. "KEVIN, YOU IDIOT!"

The dark teen shrugged. "Yelling probably won't help, Gwen."

The redhead began whacking him with her empty smoothie cup, knowing it wouldn't help one bit, but it would keep her from trying to totally murder him. Eventually, she stopped, but Kevin was still cringing away from her, trying the best he could to shield his face. "Kevin," she sighed almost breathlessly. "How could we lose my cousin?"

"He's an idiot?" offered Kevin, still not looking at Gwen in fear that she'd whack him again. And possibly damage his face that was now fixed from being a monster and he was all good looking again. He didn't want his girlfriend ruining that…

"Yeah, let's just blame it all on Ben!" said Gwen, clearly sarcastic, but Kevin took her seriously and just kicked his feet up on the bench across from him with the word "Cool" coming from him as a response. Gwen began whacking him again.

**~STALK~STALK~STALK~STALK~STALK~STALK****~STALK~STALK~STALK~STALK~STALK~STALK****~STALK~STALK~STALK~STALK~STALK~STALK~STALK~STALK~STALK~**

Ben's jade eyes bolted open faster than the speed of light as he began thrashing at the bonds that held him down to a cold metal table. It pressed his black shirt to his back so that he could feel the cold seeping through the fibers in the cloth. His breathing was quickly labored because he wasn't getting anywhere and the struggle was useless. So he began to look around, hoping that maybe there was an escape.

A giant warehouse. With a Highbreed, Darkstar, Magister Gilhil, and Vilgax tied to metal tables, also tied down by metal bracelets that had to be indestructible if they couldn't get out.

Ben's eyes widened more and he kept thrashing harder and harder and harder until he felt the shackles cutting into his skin. He stopped, heart racing in his chest and pounding against his ribs. He began to look around. A massive list on the wall. His name was checked off along with a list of the other captives. And strangely enough, at the top of the list, was Kevin's name in big red marker letters, drips of it running down the paper into all the other names, looking like it was almost written in blood. Ben gulped at the thought of that.

Voices floated to him from nearby. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET KEVIN!"

"BUT BEN WAS WALKING AROUND AND EASIER TO GRAB!"

"KEVIN!"

"BEN!"

"KEVIN!"

"BEN!"

Ben's only thought was _awkward…_ Besides, who would argue over him and Kevin? It's one-way or another, not both. Bad boy versus egotistical hero. Was it that hard of a decision?

The voices came again. "You're horrible, Beard Girl. You can't grab the right guy-"

The brunette hero tuned everything else out after "Beard Girl". The thought of a girl with a beard scared him. Unless they were in a carnival or the beard was just drawn on. But it sounded serious. Not like a joke. Like it was a hero name or something. Or worse. A villain name…

Ben started thrashing again, not afraid to get his wrists all bloody with the fighting against the shackles. He didn't want to be anywhere near a girl with a real beard. It was a very, horrifyingly scary thought.

He noticed that all the other hostages around him were unconscious. Or maybe dead. He kept thrashing even harder. And upon all of them. Was. A. Mustache.

Ben started kicking and banging the Omnitrix against his bonds, praying that Gwen or Kevin would save him before he got mustached.

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**A/N:** **hehehe. Torturing Ben is very fun… leave a review!**

**~Sky**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I believe that I will write something more today. I just felt that I should get back to this. If I'm blowing anything off, it's this…**

**Disclaimer: idea is shared with plum-dulce and Man of Action owns a majority of the characters**

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"Kevin," hissed Gwen through gritted teeth, "how can you lose my cousin in ten minutes?" Her eyes were fiercely furious and he cringed away slightly, his only reply a quiet and somewhat fearful shrug. "He's got the most powerful weapon in the universe and you lose him!"

"It's not my fault he's a moron," whimpered Kevin, really hoping Gwen wouldn't just go full Anodite and then kill him in the middle of the Mr. Smoothy parking lot. He didn't want other people to see him die. It'd be cruel. "And he's _your_ cousin."

The two paced around the blacktopped parking lot. Well, Gwen paced and Kevin watched her, anyways.

"You're right," huffed Gwen, putting a hand to her forehead. "It's my fault. I'm responsible for him. He's my… idiot cousin." She groaned, knowing how much trouble they'd be in for losing the most powerful weapon in the universe and for losing a stupid brunette teen that they were supposed to keep an eye on.

Kevin stroked his chin. "Okay, so why can't you just track him?"

This comment resulted in Gwen smacking her forehead, tracking him in a moment, screeching "WE'RE NOT GOING TO DIE!", and racing off to Kevin's car and dropping into the passenger seat as the dark teen followed, hot on her heels with a silent laugh sparkling in his obsidian orbs.

Two people were already perched in the backseat. Each of them grabbed a teen around the neck until the redhead and the young man were out cold. Then they dragged the bodies into the backseat and one moved into the driver's seat as the green and black-striped car pelted off out of the parking lot and onto the streets of Bellwood.

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**A/N: another chapter down! ^.^ review or Mustache Woman and Beard Girl will come after you. it's not a threat, it's a promise**

**~Sky**


	5. Chapter 5

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A/N: I'm going shopping today and I wanted to get this down for you guys.

**Disclaimer: I own what I own.**

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Gwen's eyes blinked open in white, blinding light. She found herself tied to a metal sheet that held down her hands and had her feet pinned with clamps around her ankles. The redhead thrashed for a second before giving up and taking in her surroundings.

It was bright, that was for sure. Light was everywhere. And the girl looked to her right to see an unconscious Ben. To her left, an empty table with a nameplate on it.

It read "Kevin Ethan Levin".

Her emerald orbs widened in horror, thrashing a tad more to try and figure out what was going on. This was absolutely crazy. What had happened? Last thing Gwen could remember was getting in the car and arguing with Kevin... Then blackness and throbbing pain that still echoed in the back of her head.

"Ben," hissed the girl through gritted teeth, trying to keep her voice to a whisper. Panic seized her chest. "Ben, get up!" She shifted uncomfortably. And, just to top it off, her powers weren't working. Just peachy.

And she saw two cloaked figures carting in the familiar body of Darkstar on something that looked like a gurney, his mask pulled off, and dumping him on a metal table across from her. Gwen held perfectly still, terrified of what could've happened to Kevin if they had Darkstar under control.

As fast as they had appeared, the cloaked figures were gone, fading into another room before slamming the door fiercely behind them.

"Michael!" called Gwen as soon as she figured the kidnappers were out of earshot. It was clear her cousin wasn't getting up any time soon. She'd have to resort to the next best thing to get any information on her missing boyfriend. "Michael!"

His body shifted for a long moment, writhing as if just realizing it was tied to the metal table. Then he lifted his head.

And upon his upper lip sat a big, furry, caterpillar-like mustache.

"That's just disgusting," muttered Gwen, putting her head back down and praying for this twisted nightmare to end.

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**A/N: thanks for reading and review or I will send Super Mustache Woman and Beard Girl after you!**

**~Sky**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry I've been slow. On another website and it's addictive. My bad, I know. But really, I'm struggling to fathom the ending of the episode. It was so horrible… I blame the writers.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sorry.**

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"Oh my god," said Gwen, thrashing in her bonds, still praying for some miracle to free her before she ended up like Darkstar. Or worse. "Ben!" she hissed again to her cousin, really hoping to wake him up.

His head tilted to one side, but he didn't wake up.

Gwen huffed. This was going to be a long day. First, Kevin managed to get them kidnapped. Then she couldn't wake up her cousin. And she was scarred for life with Morningstar's new mustache. He was pretty much bald, so why in the world would he, of all people, have a freaking mustache?

"Michael, can you do something?" she asked, trying to keep eye contact with him. But his head just lolled back and unconsciousness consumed him. The redhead sighed, agitation creeping under her skin just enough to piss her off. "One of these days..."

Sounds of footsteps came from the closed doors off to her left. Gwen immediately put her head down and shut her eyes tightly to pretend like she was sleeping. Her heart thundered in her chest as she prayed to still be alive by the end of it all. She cussed Ben out for being such a butthead all the time. And for getting himself kidnapped. And for getting her and Kevin kidnapped.

"I vote we shave her head," remarked a young sounding voice. "That way, Kevin won't be able to love her. What do you think, Super Mustache Woman?"

Gwen gulped down a cry of panic, fear rising in her throat. Mustache and woman? In the same name? She wanted out of there. Fast. Before she ended up with a shaved head. She happened to be a fan of her red mane.

"I believe it would be a good idea, Beard Girl," remarked the other voice that Gwen could only assume to be Super Mustache Woman. Once more, she gulped down a cry for help. Beard Girl? Fear seemed to seize her thoughts.

The redhead's ears suddenly picked up the sounds of utensils clanging together. Then the click of a button and then the buzzing of an electronic razor.

Gwen resisted the urge to flail and hope for the best. She didn't want her head shaved by a couple of loony chicks with facial hair. She was totally horrified by even the mere thought of it. The redhead kept quiet, sending out a silent prayer and hoping for the best. She wanted to keep her mane of fire for as long as possible.

"But first," said Super Mustache Woman, the razor shutting off, "a song!"

Gwen actually quivered with relief. She had a few more moments. Maybe her powers would work...

But in the meantime, she was forced to listen to them sing.

"SUPER MUSTACHE WOMAN AND HER MIRACULOUS SIDEKICK, BEARD GIRL, WITH THEIR FACIAL HAIR AND AWESOME POWERS OF STALKING!"

Gwen shuddered as they're voices went on and off pitch, making the hairs raise on the back of her neck. It was surely to give her nightmares for the next month at least.

And the razor's incessant buzzing started back up, scaring the Anodite all over again.

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**A/N: Two more chapters. Hehe. Fun times, right? Review it!**

**~Sky**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ah, good to be back to work. I missed being able to write for the past two days. Trust me guys, I would've gotten a ton more up for ya, but I had a ton of computer malfunctions, some drama, a new iPad in the house which I hate to death, and now, some peace and music. Good day. So here's the final chapter of "The Adventures in Stalking".**

**Disclaimer: plum-dulce and I share the rights to Super Mustache Woman and Beard Girl.**

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Just as they were about to lower the blades to Gwen's blazing crimson locks, a door burst open behind the two stalkers, making them freeze for a moment and turn around. "Ladies, let's not get hasty here."

The Anodite's eyes flew open, practically bulging out of her head. She knew that voice. She knew that voice almost too well. And she currently hated that voice. Because she knew that voice. And because the owner of that voice was a complete and utter _moron_.

Gwen groaned.

_Kevin_.

The razor turned off and dropped to the ground, shattering nicely. Gwen couldn't help but feel horribly relieved, despite the fact that _Kevin_, of all the people in the room it had to be _Kevin_ that was free.

And calling their captors "ladies". The redhead just knew that there would be some kind of dramatic problem here... Something that involved Kevin doing something dumb. Or dumber than her dumb cousin and still managing to save the day. That was how it usually worked with those two anyways.

"You were tied down," stuttered the voice of Beard Girl.

And then there was something that sounded like an "Oompf!" and then some collapsing bodies on the floor. Then Gwen saw a shadow hanging over her. One that just happened to have shaggy hair and a square jaw line.

"Hey there, Gwen," Kevin murmured, leaning down and pressing his lips close to her ear. It sent shivers down the entire length of Gwen's body. She loved how close he was, but she wasn't about to tell him that. "I know you're awake."

"Then get me out of this," she breathed, squirming under the restraints and turning her head-

To see that he had a mustache too.

"KEVIN! WHY IS THERE A FREAKING CATERPILLAR ON YOUR LIP?"

And he just laughed at her freak out moment, stepping away for a few moments to giggle. When he turned back to look at her, a smile played on his lips. "Gwen, it's not real. I managed to use my powers to morph my skin just enough to stick some hairs to it and pass it off as a 'stache for the freak show chicks." His calloused fingers grazed the metal, the cool aluminum covering his skin nicely. Then he quietly crushed the bonds that held Gwen to the table.

She sat up, nurturing the wrist that had taken the worst of her thrashing. Clear marks of her struggle were branded red into her ivory skin. "Thanks," she said, looking up at him, the mustache on his face already gone. He really had gotten good with his powers.

"No problem." Kevin was already heading off, tossing Gwen her phone. "You can call an asylum. I programmed the number in there for ya." He grabbed the two with the facial hair, ignoring the fact that Darkstar was in the room.

Gwen blinked. Of course Kevin would know the number of an asylum...

The dark Osmosian hung the girls up on the wall by some hooks that were there, probably designed for lab coats or something.. "Alright, moving on." He made his way to Ben and ripped him free of his metal bonds before tossing the brunette over one shoulder and turning back to Gwen. "You wanna get outta here and grab a soda or something?"

"How can you just act like that didn't happen?"

"Isn't that what we do all the time?"

Gwen mulled over this fact for a second. "Touche."

And they walked off, Ben unconscious the whole way home.

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**A/N: Ah, this wasn't my best work. It really sounded better in my head, but I'm not totally bummed with how it turned out… So review please! It'd make my day!**

**~Sky**


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